Many of you believe that a human being can become whatever you want to force him to be. You think you can make Emma Stone into Brock Lesnar and Brock into Emma if you just apply enough force and brainwashing. Reality doesn’t work that way. You also believe that you can achive anything you want, even though you all know that most people who try to make it in any domain fail. You also believe that you can overcome your weaknesses. Mostly you can’t do that either.
Look, some physical attrubutes respond well to training and some don’t. Flexibility and endurance are highly trainable. Strength is trainable but much less so. Speed is God-given. You have it or you don’t. A person in the 20th centile of speed will never be in the 80th. The same is true for other abilities that aren’t classified as physical but they are. How your brain responds to stress is physical. How you are wired in general is physical. You aren’t a mind which can decide whatever it wants and the body you’re driving around will do whatever you want. You are a body. That body has a brain in it, and that brain creates a construct we call a mind, and that mind creates a construct we call an identity, and that identity tells itself that it’s in charge, instead of being the end product of evolution and environment. You are what you are. Some things can be improved but others can’t be.
One very painful lesson in life is when you learn that you have an anti-talent. You know people like this. They guy who always blurts out the wrong thing, for example. You know someone who always gets lost, or is always late, or never gets the right thing at the store. Maybe this person is you. For myself, I can’t make think correctly under pressure. Just can’t do it. I resisted this for a long time, thinking that I could make myself into someone who could do it. Big mistake. Like Popeye, I yam what I yam. I wish I could improve certain things but I can’t. If I had accepted this reality I would have had much less pain. If I accept it now and act accordingly I will save myself needless pain moving forward. You can also save yourself needless suffering and loss. Do that which you can do, and don’t–
Okay, I can see you aren’t buying it. Imagine this. You have an inner ear problem that makes you unable to balance. Are you going to apply to be in the high wire act, and make that your life plan? It’s the same thing. If you can’t, you can’t. This is my third essay attacking this subject, partly because I didn’t listen to, well, everyone, and partly because I see this deadly myth all over. It’s killing you. It’s killing all of us. Don’t try to overcome your weaknesses unless you really have to in order to function in life. You will fail. You will be promoted to General of the Fail Army. Your life will be Failpalooza. Take it from me, all that failing sucks. Don’t do it to youself or those close to you. Just recognize reality. I know you want to be like the other kids. But if you keep trying, you can get badly hurt.
Look, I know a lot of actors have taken on a role that they thought they couldn’t do. But look at the context: If an actor fails, he just destroys his career. If you fail you might destroy your life.
I keep harping on this because I think that it’s one of the most important things. You can have the best coaching in the world in a given domain and still fail, thus success advice might be wasted, despite your best efforts. But a single catastrophic blunder can, will, destroy you. I know from experience that the difference between “my life kinda sucks” and “oh God, oh God, my life is shit” is bigger than you think. It’s huge. It’s bigger than the difference between being a UPS driver and being Larry Ellison. If I can keep you from making that mistake, the pain, time, and money saved will be enormous.
I don’t like sharing personal stuff, but I was blackly depressed in 1992. I was going nowhere fast. Every day sucked — and it sucked infinitely worse when my car died. What does that have to do with our topic? I can’t think properly when stressed or tired, especially both. I’m probably worse in that way than anyone you’ve ever known. I’m definitely worse than anyone I’ve ever known. I was super tired and stressed every day that Summer, which meant a horrible disaster was just a matter of time. I had several, actually, and I’ve never been the same person since. Don’t do like me. Don’t stack the deck against yourself. If you have poor night vision, don’t take walks at night with a sadistic psychopath with eyes like a cat (‘sup Thomas). If you are bad at spacial orientation and machinery, don’t buy a travel trailer: I jackknifed my trailer, I dropped it from the hitch, I got it stuck in the desert, and I had to drive it five miles on a flat tire (in the middle of the night at 5 MPH) to get to the tire place since the lug nuts were rusted like the Titanic. Could I have foreseen that? Hell, yes: I had gotten my van stuck in the desert three separate times. So I had to know that doing things like that would be bad for me. I thought I’d just be more careful. That was flatly stupid. If you have a fatal flaw, don’t let it be a fatal flaw: Avoid it. Just don’t do that thing if it’s at all possible. In fact, a wise man told me, right as I was about to start on the epic trailer saga, “if there’s any way to not do this, don’t do it”. Thanks for the heads up, Bruce, I wish I’d heeded that counsel.
I know it’s hard to act on. The media gives us endless inspirational stories, but showing what failure actually looks like isn’t good TV. Failing isn’t noble. It doesn’t make you stronger. It doesn’t teach you things, except how shitty people are to failures. It will stay with you forever. Just understand that, once and for all, and get on with what you can do.