In Truffaut’s classic film noir The Tao of Steve, Dex explains to Dave that Steve is a way of mind: “Steve Austin, Steve McQueen. Y’know, he’s the man on his horse, the guy alone. He has his own code of honor, his own code of ethics, his own rules of living, man”. The Way Of Steve can be applied to many areas of your life, and should be. To be clear, Being Steve is not about acting cool, looking cool, or thinking of yourself as the star. Too many people already do that last part. We already have too much of that. A more useful way to approach this is to ask the question: What would Steve do?
Your movie versions of Steve, from Bond to Bodhi, can act like they have all the answers because they do: It’s the way the character is written. What you should ask yourself is not, “what would my fantasy of the Cool Guy do?” That answer is easy: He would hook up with the hot girl in the Lamborghini who just happened to come by at that exact moment. Since your life was not written for you by Hollywood (it was, actually, but not in the way you think), you have to ask yourself, what would a real Steve do if he were dropped into your situation. “He would know what to do”. Yes, and you can access that knowledge. Simply pretend you are Steve — not with the submarine car and jet pack but with what you actually have. What would he do if he were in your situation with the assets, liabilities, and real limitations you have, in the real world you are in? If you draw a blank, plug in a specific Steve – Gary Vaynerchuk, Arnold, you pick — and ask what that Steve would do in your position.
If you are like me, you react to things. If you are like me, you react as the person you are at that time, and not even the best you but the one who you are in that exact moment, which is not the one you would be if you planned and rehearsed for it. But don’t let your worst self decide things for all the Yous. Instead, ask what a Steve would do. If nothing else, he would immediately cease all destructive and wasteful activity. He would not put it off for another day. He would not pretend the problem didn’t exist. He would see the situation clearly and set upon a realistic course of action. He might or might not take some risks, but whatever he did it would not be thoughtless or negligent. He might have fear but he would not be fearful. He might have doubts but he would not stay mired in them. He would calmly and rationally assess the situation, decide what to do and then do it. You can do that. And by DOing that, you can BE that. You don’t have to stay trapped in the self that got you into this mess. You can do — be — better. You can escape yourself, not into VR porn but into a better self, one that can deal with things. You can Be Steve.
That’s kind of how I managed being a caregiver, although I didn’t think of it that way at the time. We all play roles. You are playing one even if you think you aren’t. Decide which role you want to play. And Slack Irresponsible You isn’t any more the “real you” than Steve is. Acting like a Steve makes you, in that moment at least, Steve. Sometimes that’s good enough. And if not, at least it’s better than being Stu.